Happy 2nd Birthday Avi

I don’t know how it can be 2 years. It does seem so long ago, and yet it still seems so recent. As I look around at the toddlers around me who are the same age as you would have been it reminds me even more of what I’m missing. New words, todder running, potty training, toddler beds, and so much more. I love these little ones running around, but it does make me think of you and miss you greatly.

I knew I wanted to post something for your birthday, but I’m kinda lost as to what to say this year. Your presence is missed, so much. I still think of you daily and wonder what life would have been like with you here. I don’t know where my heart is right now. I thought I was doing pretty well, but today has been hard and I miss you so much.

In a letter a dear friend sent, she puts it so well…

Dear Bethanie,

How has it already been two years? I remember the waiting. I remember the sorrow, the questions, no answers. I remember getting the e-mail from you, telling us of little Avi’s birth. It’s all still fresh. I can only imagine that it must still be very raw and fresh for you. There’s a part of me that wishes there weren’t such painful anniversaries. But then when would we have a chance to celebrate life. Avi lived. No, he didn’t breath our air or receive our cuddles. He didn’t leave you mounds of dirty diapers to wash, or keep you awake at night, filling his little tummy. He didn’t have a chance to smile and coo at his adoring siblings as they put on various antics for his entertainment. But he lived. God created him. And that, my friend, is good. And so today, I celebrate life. A little glimmer of hope. A reminder that God is good. Even in the midst of the pain that I still feel for Avi’s life, so short.

Thank you friend for your meaningful thoughts and compassion. I’m so grateful.

I miss you Avi and I love you.

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